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Hate That I Love You

          Alright here we go..Melissa is also not a virgin, I was almost not a virgin, Danny doesn’t want to be a virgin, and Vero's just a sucia. Let me expand a little more on these subjects.


           I went to Punta Cana for a week. The first day sucked, big juicy ones. The day after that I was stuck sitting on the babies all day. It was cute..ish. Then the day after, which was the third day there, I decided to play some beach volleyball just to pass the time. No biggie, it was fun for a while. There was some eye candy so I was satisfied. Then that night we went to one of the little shows the hotel has every night and they had the cuuuutest dancers. After the show we could like go and take pictures with them so obv. I did. And I’m there having a staring contest with this tall dark and handsome dancer until I finally went up to him to take a picture. He was all over me for a while but then I had to leave. I felt like idk, the girl from Dirty Dancing or something with this guy on my ass. Then the next day, I went back to play some volleyball and I met some cute Spanish kids with whom I instantly clicked. I spent most of the day with them and then they invited me to the Discoteca with them that night. So whatever, I got all cute, watched the silly show, and met up with them in the Karaoke. 
           Ana, 17 years old, and a bit stuck up. Zaira, 16 years old, and a total sweetheart. Pelayo, 18 years old, gorgeous eyes, even better body, and a personality to match. Not to mention that he was totally in love with me. We hung out in the karaoke for a while, drank a little, sang a little, and passed the time until 12. Then at 12 we headed to the Discoteca hoping to have a good time. Too bad that I still had the kid bracelet and they didn’t let me in, no matter how much Pelayo fought. So I ended up going back to my room that night, knowing that I'd see them the next day. 
          Morning comes and I don’t see Pelayo anywhere, so I met up with Zaira and the rest of them, we had a HUGE group of people. We chilled in the water for a bit, played some volleyball and ate mierda. Nothing exceptionally interesting happened that day, so no biggie. But that night however, is worth mentioning. We were supposed to meet in the lobby of the hotel so we could all walk to the Karaoke together, but it ended up being just me and Pelayo going together. We get there and most people are there so we sit with them, they chit chat, drink, whatever. I was very quiet, I didn’t talk unless you talked to me..which was how I was the ENTIRE trip. I think he liked that about me. He came and sat next to me and started making conversation with me. It was cute. We all went and sang a song and he had me at his side the whole time, touching me one way or another. Then at midnight when we tried to get into the club again, this time I had the 18+ bracelet, but the comemierda security guard stopped me at the door again telling me he remembered me from the night before -_-. Whatever, we fought a little and in the end gave up. So I called the parentals and asked to go to the beach, knowing the others were gonna go to the club next door. After much pleading, they gave me half an hour, so I settled for that. Pelayo and Ana decided that they needed more hours, so they wanted to go ask permission from their parents, and Pelayo dragged me along with them. Ana walked ahead and he grabbed my hand as we walked. Then he started slowing down and all of a sudden he stops and turns to me and tries to kiss me. I say "nuh uh" and I turn my face and we keep walking, I knew he was pissed. We get to their villa and I wait downstairs for them to go up and ask. They come down and he walks with Ana, and me behind them. We catch the little train and everyone else was on it, when we get to the beach, he walks ahead with the two Catalanas and leaves me behind. I just giggled at the thought of him being mad. From there I just decided to go back to my hotel room por que no pintaba nada ahi since they were all gonna go to Pacha. So its pitch black, I’m all by myself, and I go and sit on one of the disgustingly deserted trensitos. The driver comes and starts talking to me like its all good and starts asking me questions and sizing me up very obviously. Then another one comes and joins in on the questioning and ogling. I was so scared I didn’t even know what to do, at one point I just got up, said "don’t worry, I'll walk" and hauled ass for what felt like a mile to my hotel room. I get there, my mom's shitting her pants, I'm sweating and panting, and my dad's just there. Whatever, I almost got raped twice, no biggie. 
          Next day and I see Pelayo at breakfast, give him a half smirk, look down and keep walking. Then I go to the beach, meet up with Zaira, Philipp, and Diogo and chill for a while. About an hour later, I see Pelayo by the volleyball net ready to play. We go over there and I sit next to him on the beach chair, he looks at me and I look away. As the day progressed, he started cogiendo mas y mas confianza conmigo again and by the afternoon it was all back to normal. Like at around 4 ish, Nichole, him and I went to grab a bite to eat at the restaurant by the pool. We eat, and we stayed there talking for like about an hour. Little Pelayo had put his legs in a way that they were touching mine, so I took the opportunity to pasarle la mano por la pierna that was closest to me. Then we start pasando un poco de calor so we go to the pool for a while. We're on the shallow end sitting down, and I'm there with his legs wrapped around me and Nichole like wtf. So she was like.."I'mmmmm gonna see you guys later" and she left. It was about time too, because not only was she not paying attention to the conversation, but Pelayo and I were too into each other to care about anything or anyone else. We stayed there with our faces 3 inches del uno al otro for a good hour just caressing each other and talking about anything until he said he wanted to go to the beach to volleyballear. We go and like an hour later I had to go to a dinner reservation. So he’s in the middle of a game and I say I’m leaving and ask him to walk with me. He drops everything and comes with me, just as I thought he would. So we’re walking and he’s telling me how disappointed he was that he didn’t get to kiss me last night y que se quedo con las ganas. Then I told him that
talvez si intenta hoy, lo dejo. Immediately he started rambling about how he most likely was, probably will, yeah I think I will. I just laughed, which was my response to almost everything. We got to my room, he gave me a kiss on the cheek and went up to his. I showered, got ready, went to dinner, then the show, and finally it was karaoke time. I walk over there alone and meet up with Ana, Pelayo, and the rest of them. Zaira had left earlier that day, so she wasn’t there, obv. At the karaoke we claimed a bunch of tables as ours and started to pick a song to sing. Pelayo was by my side the whole time, hand on my leg, my arm on the back of his chair. When I was passing a paper around to get everyone’s e-mail, he stood up and I smacked his giant booty and he was going to give me his e-mail, but I told him I didn’t want it. He was like, “you smack my ass and you don’t want my e-mail address?” I just laughed and tried to play it off by giving him a hug, which he interpreted as me trying to kiss him, so I gave him a pop kiss and we were caught in a moment of awkward “do I kiss you again?” Well he sure as hell tried, but I didn’t let him ;]. Then again at 12 we decided to try to get into the damn club, and of course, they didn’t let us in. So we decided to waste no time and go to Pacha. For me to get my parents to let me go was a mission and a half, and even with all the whining and begging, I only had until one. It was my last night and we had to be awake by 4, so it was understandable, I guess. Pelayo and I start walking ahead, with the same intention in mind, or so I thought. Half way there, we get into this hot and heavy ten minute make out session and then kept walking. We get to the pool by the beach and he sits on the first beach chair he saw, and pats his lap for me to sit on him. I do and we continue our delicious kissing for a while. Everything from there was a blur. I know that I took his shirt off, and he was lamenting not having a condom with him. I giggled and we kept kissing. He unbuttoned my camisa and unhooked my bra, but I didn’t let him take anything off me because we were in plain sight of any passerby’s. So we decided to move to the beach. He puts his shirt back on and I close up mine and we head to another beach chair far away from anyone’s sight. I think I’m saying everything out of order, but whatever, as long as I mention it I’m good. I think that he had also pulled down his pants while we were in the pool one, and asked to have sex with me. I denied him and he asked me if I had my period, and I was like 0_0GENIUS, yes, yes I do. I really didn’t though, but he bought it. Whatever so we go to the beach and I take off his shirt, he takes off my camisa and bra and then I take off his pants and briefs. So he’s butt naked and I’m there with shorts and no top. So we resume the position and my hand guides itself to his dick and you know. He asks me lo que le regalaria and I said nada. Then he asks me for a mamada, y me dejo botada because I had no idea what that was. Then I used context clues and figured out it was a BJ so I denied him that too and we just kept kissing. Then I get a phone call from my very angry mother asking me where I was, no, screaming at me. And I’m there taking the biggest shit of my life, putting my shit back on, making hand signals for him to get dressed too while I have the phone to my ear with my mom yelling at me. Then as I’m heading back to the pool, trying to come up with a plausible lie, I see my mom’s shadow and then my dad’s. I freak out and run the other way with Pelayo close behind so they don’t see us. The whole time I’m on the phone and my mom’s freaking out screaming barbaridades at me. We get to the pool and I tell her where we are, she gets there, my dad keeps walking, she says hi to Pelayo, gives me a dirty look and keeps walking. I try to give him a sideways glance but was too scared to say anything to him and I knew he was looking at me with a confused and concerned look on his face, pero ni me despedí de el ): My mom said no more than 5 words to me on the way back, and my dad ni menos. I didn’t know what to expect so I just kept my mouth shut and vowed to deny anything. We get to the hotel room and they go to sleep, wake up the next morning to leave..and nothing. There hasn’t been any mention of it since. I don’t understand what happened or why, but I’m leaving it at that. As for Pelayo, I’m never gonna see him again, he’s actually still there in Punta Cana as I write this. Knowing him, he’s trying to get into some other girl’s pants. Does it bother me? Actually, a little. Can I do anything about it? No. Will I remember this for a while? Definitely. It was my summer of 08, how can I forget it?

 

          As for the whole Melissa thing, yeah she’s not a virgin. Not only did she have sex with Oliver, but with his best friend “Armando” too..on the same night. I don’t even know what to say on the subject. She’s just crazy. She doesn’t regret it, but she definitely suggests to wait. Not necessarily till marriage, but until you find someone worth it. And looking back on everything I’ve ever done, I’m glad I haven’t given it to anyone. None of them have been special enough to me to receive something like that. So I guess till Mr. Big shows up, no sex for Mariana. Althoughhh..I never said I couldn’t fool around ;D

 

What the fuck

Summer 08: I havent spoken to Andy in 3 weeks. Chris wants to get back with me. Ana's not a virgin. Vero's getting on my nerves. I feel like I'm gonna die of how sick I am. Life is great. 

On the bright side, I saw Sex and the City and it changed my life. It made me realize that I should do what makes me happy. I know it may sound simple or whatever, but it makes so much sense to me. Do what really, truly makes you happy. Every time I try to explain it to someone, I never can, so as long as I understand, its good. 

It feels so weird not talking to Andy. The people who know what happened keep telling me to forgive him. But does he deserve to be forgiven? He obviously doesnt think its such a big deal and he swears its a dumb reason to be
mad at him. But the fact that he goes and tells everyone that he's had sex, and doesnt tell me, his so called best friend. I'm sorry, but thats just not what best friends are about. I've never gotten mad at him like this. I rarely ever get mad at him at all, and when I do we just laugh it off. But for me to not talk to him for this long, its BIG. First, he tells Vero that he's not a virgin. I was with her and she comes and asks me if its true. Obviously I say it's not, because I would know. Silly me. I dont really give it much thought because to me, he was just messing with her. Then about a week or two later, Ana tells me that he's not a virgin. This time I decide to confront him about it. So I IM him asking if it's true. 

"yep"
"do you even know what I'm talking about"
"yep"
"and its true"
"yep"
"thanks for telling me"
"any time"
"how long ago"
"idk"
"alright whatever"
"like 4 months, i think"
"with who? des?"
"des"
"ok"

And that was it, we havent spoken since then. He's asked Vero and Ana if I'm still mad at him, and he sent me a stupid message through myspace, but thats it. The only reason I'm doing this is because he thinks that I'm gonna go running back to him like I always do. Well I'm not gonna. I value his friendship, but he has to learn how to value mine too. And if not talking to him is gonna make him realize what he has, the so be it. Whatever, there's more but I just dont feel like writing about him anymore. 

Yesterday I had an interesting conversation with Chris, my ex. He told me he wanted to try again. I saw it coming. I told everyone that it was gonna happen, they all knew I was expecting it. Chris is one of my closest friends now, and I dont want anything more than that with him. Not only do I not see him the same way anymore, but I promised myself a very long time ago that if someone broke up with me, I would never take them back. We talked and settled everything and he said that I was more than welcome to change my mind. I know I'm not gonna, but its always nice to have someone say that to you, even if that someone is not the right someone. 

I cant believe Ana lost it before I did. I should have known, she's a lil freak. Props to her though, even if she doesnt like talking about it. 

I spent a weekend with Vero in Orlando, it made me realize how much I cant live with her. I love her to pieces and all, but damn, I'll never move in with her. She's pretty spoiled and what not. Nobody's perfect, I know..but whatever. She just pisses me off sometimes, thats all. 

As of today, it has been 19 days that I have been sick. What the fuck, right? I know. I've never been sick for more than like 4 days and it's never hit me so bad. It started with crazy coughing, like rough and nonstop. Then a few days back I started getting chest pains, and they dont go away. The doctor says its the muscles between the ribs that are sore from all the coughing. Sure enough, something has to be sore from the coughing, its been going on for so long! Oh and for the past 4 nights, I've been waking up not breathing..like, choking I guess. Yeah, not cute. As we speak, my chest is killing me. Hopefully I get better for the party on Friday. 

Summer 08, keep it coming.

Pa Santo Domingo, Pa Punta Cana

Apparently I havent updated in 7 weeks. A LOT happened in 7 weeks. I dont think I can go in chronological order but I'll try to mention everything that has happened. For starters, NL is history, so is BSJ for Jessica and so is Andy for Ana. There's a new guy in Ana's life, his name is Maddhopz, a.k.a. Mario. He really likes her and he's gonna ask her out the day of sports banquet [5.20.08], but she doesnt know that (; ..As for Jessica, I dont even know. Uhh, after NL I think I "liked" some pokemon kid there who turned out to be the most boring human being on this planet, so obviously that didnt work out. Spring break came along and I went to NYC with the photo club and some drama kids. That was pretty cute. I stole a lot of stuff and haggled the chinos. The day after NY, I went to DC. Met some guy in the airport, became biffles, hooked up in the library of congress, then the airplane on the way back to Miami, only to meet his girlfriend at the airport, and never to speak to him again. Then Baseball Chris and me started talking again and well, you know, the make up sex was great...and it still is. The last time I talked to him was that day in his dad's car. Why? Because I met a guy, a guy who I thought would be worth it. So I took that as a "farewell"..or maybe a "see ya later" just in case it didnt work out with Brian. Brian Alex Leon, 16 years old, Sophomore at Ferguson, Baseball player, almost perfect, or at least I thought. Everything was going great with him until the day we finally saw each other in person; I dont think I've ever felt so let down by a guy. I really had my hopes up with him, which is very rare for me so I was extra shocked. It was the most ackward 2 and a half hours of my life. He invited me to his baseball banquet, and me, swallowing every word he told me, thought meeting him was gonna be magical. Turns out that it wasnt as "disney princess" as I had expected. Always happens to me, I get my hopes up and have high expectations for something, and it turns out to be the exact oppostie of what I wanted. Well turns out that we havent spoken since that day, Wednesday, and it is now Sunday of the same week. He was supposed to be my date to sports banquet, but I'm gonna find a way to return his ticket and hopefully have William as my date..I really dont wanna be a third wheel to Mario and Ana. Alright, so enough about the pseudo love loss. I'm going to Punta Cana this summer with my family, that should be interesting -__-. I'm also gonna be volunteering at the summer camp, taking P.E. online, doing some stupid SAT class, AND going to swim practice. Oh yeah, water polo's cancelled, I wrote an article about it for the school newspaper. And we picked our classes for next year. AP english and psych, pre-cal, anatomy, american history, and cooking. Hopefully those are the ones I get. Well I guess thats it for now. It might take me another 7 weeks to update this thing again, it might be 7 days, who knows. But for now..hasta la vista, babyyyy! (;

Have you done it? Yeah, ages ago.

Wow, I havent written in FOREVER! Feels weird writing again. It says here its been 5 weeks since my last post. So much has happened in 5 weeks. For starters, NL is historrryyyyyyy. Andy has a girlfriend, who's name is not Ana. Some skank there called Desiree. I met a guy. Nahuel, Argentinean, clingy. He's a cutie though, and has gotten less clingy. I'm going to New York in less than a week, and then Washington

fuck..brb  

We ballin, we base-baseballinnnn

WOOOWWWWW! I don’t even know how to start (thanks Ana!) I guess I should start by saying that my parents were gone for the weekend; that pretty much says everything. Mo's birthday party was also this weekend. It also happens to be the weekend I got my period. And the weekend the peloteros got lucky. 

It actually all started as good, clean fun. Friday me and Jessica went to Ana's house after school and shaved our legs, ate chicken nuggets, and went to Friday's. That day was JP's 15th birthday, so the baseballers were all there getting their groove on.

Speaking of getting grooves on, Saturday was a day to remember; considering we not only got our grooves on, we REALLY got our grooves on, and fucked up our reputations. Giving you the play by play (haha, get it? play by play, like in baseball?). Anyways, I wake up, do the usual morning stuff and Ana comes over like at 3 something. We start getting ready, Vero appears and joins our getting ready circle and then Mo's mom comes to pick us up like at 5. Because of course, being the amazing friends that we are, we volunteered to help set up the party. By the time we set EVERYTHING up, as in tables, chairs, decorations, ETC, it was like 6 30. People started showing up, played some pool, made some small talk, and waited for the Birthday Girl's arrival in her hot pink dress. Music has been playing all along, but nothing dance-able. Then they really started playing the good stuff, the booty stuff. Of course, me and the girls were the first ones on the dance floor; starting the party as usual. At around 8, Andy tells me to go outside so they know it’s the right house. They as in Andy and Nick, better known as Nicky Love. That’s right, Nicky Love was Andy's ride to the party, but only because I told him it was okay to go (shoot me?). WHATEVER..Hey Nicky Love, Supp Andy? -runs inside-

Everything just seemed so surreal, like a dream or a movie. I was there, obviously, but what I mean is that it doesn’t feel like it happened. Maybe because it was dark, or maybe because it all just happened so fast. It sure as hell FELT real, at least at the moment. Haha, lets not get into that now. Ana and I went to dance and IMMEDIATELY Andy was on her ass, like NO hesitation; I was actually very impressed. Poor Nicky Love was there in a corner watching Ana and Andy grinding, and little Mariana as the third wheel. Vero comes to join us and tells me “Nicky Love is coming to you.” And yes, in fact, she was right, and he did. My legs hurrrrtttt just after that first dance, I was shocked. I took a pause and dragged Ana along with me.

 

Then the techno started, and the rest of the baseballers showed up. Blue Shirt Joey and the twins walked in, and Jessica’s face lit up. Immediately BSJoey was on her ass, and not even three songs into it, they went outside to “talk.” Is that what you kids call it these days? Talk? Because there was no talking going on. The only communication I saw was between their tongues, and his hands with her butt (and what not). Andy was the one who pointed them out, saying “that’s my baseball player.” Correction, baseballer*. As soon as I saw them, so did the rest of the party. Karina even video taped them. Anyways, she pretty much set the mood for the rest of the night; because even if her pelotero and the twins left, Nicky Love and Andy stayed ;). Which made things that much better for me and Ana. They were acting like a couple, Andy and Ana. It was cute. But again, poor Nicky Love was on a pretty short leash. I would barely look at him, no contact whatsoever unless we were dancing, no more than 10 words were said. But then I started warming up to him and I would be a bit less monotone.

 

Let me just TRY to describe the dancing to you. You know how in the last entry I described it as sex? Ok, scratch that. THIS was sex, THAT was nothing. As Ivan so magnificently described it, we were moving slowly to a fast song. “Do you have a gun in your pants, or are you just happy to see, ahem, grind on me?” In Jessica’s words, a nuclear bomb stabbing at her.

 

His hands moving from my hips, to my back, to my stomach, wrapping his arms around me, me leaning my head back, hair to the side, eyes closed, moving to the music, hot breath on my neck, kisses on the cheek, (boner in his pants lol), lights off, smoke everywhere, all eyes on us.

 

I looked over to the side only to see Ana and Andy in the same process.

 

After the Happy Birthdays and the bladiblah, when everyone was inside, I took the opportunity and grabbed Nicky Love, after much consideration, and went outside. Walked to a far corner, Nicky Love in hand, said “Having fun?” , got an “uhuh” , BAM! Hell yes he was having fun. No small talk necessary, cut straight to the chase. We were there for a good while, starting at approximately 10 30. About 20 minutes later, Alejandra comes up behind us, “You guys want cake?” Now I don’t know if that was done on purpose or because she really wanted to offer us cake, but does it really look like we wanted cake at that moment? Apparently it did. The only way we’d be eating cake at the time was off each other. “No thanks, Ale.” Noowwww, where were we? We resume the position and then paused for a few seconds. Perfect timing for an incoming phone call for Nick. He picked up the phone and I walked away. They were putting the electric slide inside and I couldn’t miss that. Then Jessica grabs me and pulls me out front, points to Nicky Love’s car, and giggles. Guess who was all over it? Ana and Andy! Then Nicky Love comes outside, stands next to me, and sets the car alarm off. HILARIOUS. They jumped, looked our way, and went back to whatever it was they were doing. After a while of just standing there staring blankly at them, I turn to Nick and say “Wanna join them?” “YES!” Wow, nice one Nicky Love. You didn’t seem desperate at all. So we go and join them, more action.

 

So there’s Ana and Andy on the trunk of the car, and me and Nicky Love on the side. Now, before Nicky Love was trying to get all frisky, but I wouldn’t let him. You know, we were in public, people were looking, the works. But on his car! OH BOY, did he get frisky! Let me just put it this way, as short as my dress was before, now it wasn’t even covering my butt.

 

Hands on my ass, to my hips, to the small of my back, massaging as he went along, repeat. My hands on his neck, playing with the back of his head, to his chest, down to his hands, trying to prevent too much touching. Fuck it. Pelvis thrusting back and forth, grinding to our own beat, up and down, side to side,  everything moving along smoothly and in melody. We’d stop and giggle at times, at each other and at the two to our right who were en lo mismo, then keep going.

 

His dad called him, pissed, and told him he had to go home. We said our goodbyes and me and Ana ran inside. It seemed like the whole world knew what we were up to because they all stopped, glared, and had something to say. Even with out words, the looks we got were enough to know what everyone was thinking. Did we care? NOTTT exactly. We’re young, we have to appreciate our youth and take advantage of opportunities. Just because we did what we did, doesn’t mean we’re bad people, or slutty, or have no morals. If anything, it means we know how to have fun and are seizing opportunities. Besides, its not like we committed murder.

 

At around 12, 15 minutes after the ballers left, Ana’s mom came to pick us up. Vero was sleeping over, and as we are getting home, I casually mention how easy it would be to sneak out of my house. Vero, the motherfucker, takes it seriously and wants to do it. KILL ME. At 1 30 in the morning, Vero and I are sneaking out through the bathroom door, getting attacked by my dog, and meeting up with 2 random ass guys. Emmanuel was some guy she met about a year ago at a party and had been talking to him ever since. His friend, Gabriel, came with him, both of which are DJ’s. I instantly turn to bitch mode, not for anything bad, but just because it was instinct. Emmanuel texts Vero asking her why I’m being such a bitch to poor little Gabriel, so she pulls me away and tells me to try to be nice. FINE, for her sake. I go and tune it down a bit. Then the nigger texts her again asking her to go for a walk. So I’m left there with this kid. NOT ACKWARD AT ALL. Small talk much? He was cute, I’m not gonna lie, but I wasn’t up for it. I mean, I can tell right off the bat that the kid’s a player and a big ass flirt, so bitch mode goes right back up. You could see that he really was trying to make an effort to get me to open up a bit, but I was really holding back. However, in a matter of 30 or so minutes, we already had a few inside jokes. After much bullet-shitting and worrying, we were back in my room, safe and sound. We couldn’t stop talking about our night. So surreal, so adventurous, so full of events. Obviously, Veronica hadn’t JUST gone for a stroll. She, too, had gotten some action that night.

 

All in all, the baseballers were balled up by las tres putas, Vero got jiggy with some DJ, and we got away with EVERYTHING!

 

So, whats the address?

Nicky frickin Love turned 18 on January 19, 2008. Guess who was there to wish him a happy birthday? I WASSS! I still cant believe it though, I was actually able to go to it. And boy, am I glad; lemme tell you, so is Vero ;] ..

The day started out pretty normal: prostitution for money, crazy car rides with a kid I barely get along with, a wedding in casa del carajo, etc. You know, the usual. At this wedding, which of course, Vero came with me to, I went through endless hours of begging to go to the party. Well, not exactly endless and not exactly hours, but its close enough. I even got Maritza, Tato, and little Danny to help me out, worked like a charm! Definitely keeping them in mind for next time. Anyways, after much begging and coming from 46924 different people, they gave in. On the way home I got a "Dime la direcion." God, was I happy; me and Vero were kicking and screaming in the backseat, from joy. Turns out my dad had no idea where it was and we had to google the address, which gave us a reason to go home; and gave me the opportunity to change clothes, perfect! Little did I know, that I was gonna be COMPLETELY out of place, well maybe just a little. 

We get in the car and take off, dead silence. Should we be scared? Not as much as I thought we would be. Did that make any sense? Well whatever..We get there, Andy comes outside, he speaks to the 'rents, yaddi ya. We go inside and everyone was dressed nicely, like dress and corbata type of thing. And there is little out-of-place-Mariana, I didnt care though, at alllll. So I go and find Nicky Love.. If only you could have seen the surprised look on his face, his eyes just lit up and he even jumped a little when he saw me. I went and hugged him and said happy birthday. Then Vero and I said hi to a few others that we knew, and of course, they were like "wtf, why r u here?" ;D haha, it was great. 

It was all a bit ackward at first; no one was really dancing. There was just a lot of standing around and bobbing of heads. They put Calabria and Vero and I start dancing and, like magnets, the baseballers came to us and made one big happy dancing circle. We danced like that for a while, all nice, clean fun. Then, let the grinding begin. And when I say grinding, I mean dirty, hardcore, "oh god I cant take it anymore" GRINDINGGG, just the way my mom hates it. And honestly, it was the most fun I've had in a whilleeee; maybe because of the seemingly endless lockdown. In a matter of about 2 hours, I danced with the 4 people I had wanted to dance with the most, more than once. Nicky Love was the first, and the luckiest; he had me for the longest. Then blueshirtJoey, then Andy (wow, huh?), and thennnn his brotherrrr ;] (who btw said I was a great dancer lol). Man, but it was all like sex on the dancefloor. Amazing sex. Amazing dancing. Just amazing. All eyes were on us, and Vero lost count of how many guys she danced with; I lost track after her seventh. 

At about 11 o'clock, I get a phone call from my dad telling me he's outside. Wow, they didnt come inside, just like they said they wouldnt. Shocked much? I go and say bye to Andy and his peloteros, then I look for Nick to say goodbye and wish him a happy birthday one more time. Too bad I hadnt gotten him anything for his birthday, apparently we had the same things going through our heads, but for VERY different reasons. He leans in to kiss me and I give him the cheek. Then he tries again, and for his birthday, I gave in. Just once, very small, for his birthday...Happy Birthday Nicky Love, hope you had a good one, I sure did.

Where's your Scantron card?

       Gotta love those scantrons! They're Grreeaatttt! So, I just finished taking my Computer Graphics midterm, and guess what? It was open book! Can it get any easier than that? Whats funny is that the frickin lady seperated all of us like if it were the FCAT. She made such a HUGE deal about it, its not even funny. Man, one of the questions I found to be hilarious was asking us what a feline is. Amazing huh? The coices were: cat, dog, ram and idk what else. But wow, I really think I lost some brain cells taking that test. And to top it all off, I was falling asleep. -snores- 

       Whatever bro, don't worry be happy, etc. PEACE!

Pa su madrreeee!

       Boy, do I love that mom of mine. She's just GREAT! :| I just cant understand her way of thinking. It pisses me off so much, god SO fucking much! Yeah, the bitch had me in her belly for 9 months, but that doesnt give her the right to be such a fucking pesada all the time. I can understand that she might be going through menopause or something, but why should she take it out on me? I know I've messed up a few times in the last month or so, but no one is perfect and I am just 16, I make mistakes. But the thing is, I know to learn from them; she swears I dont. The best part is, that she'll bitch at me one second, and the next she'll be all lovey dovey. I hate that about her, its so two-faced. By doing that, she's teaching me to be two faced, not a good thing. Man, when I'm a mom, I'm gonna be nothing like her. My kid is gonna have so much freedom and they're still gonna come to me for everything. I dont even know how to explain it, its just not gonna be like what she's doing to me. She thinks its the right thing, but all she's doing is pushing me away so much. By trying to keep me on such a short leash, shes making me want to find a scissor, cut it and run free. Which I will, as soon as I can. I hate that I dont say anything, I'm too respectful. God im so pissed off. I feel like just leaving my house, not saying anything to anyone and just leave. I dont even know..its just so many things that piss me off and I dont say anything to her out of respect, but GOD I just wanna tell her what I think about her. How much shes pissing me off and how much she's pushing me away by not letting me do certain things, it makes me wanna do them even more and makes me resent her more. She swears that shes doing the right thing but she has no idea how much shes pissing me off. 

       I just spoke to Andy and I feel so much better. I felt like he was the only one that I could talk to about this. Not that I dont trust everyone else, its just that I didnt wanna hear what they had to say, because I knew what it was gonna be. I needed Andy for this and he came through. I saw a side of him I'd never seen and I'm grateful that he was there for me. 

       I guess I'll update more later.. 

P.S. Que bola with the font?

SURPRISSSEEE!

       The day of Vero's surprise party was the day after he had gotten back from Texas. We didnt talk during the day until 5-ish. He called me to ask me if I was getting ready for tonight. Turns out he's in downtown with his biffle and he doesnt know when hes coming back. Ya, I'm getting pissed. Strike one(today). I call him before going to Vero's to tell him he has to be there at 7 if he wants to see the surprise, then he just tells me that he'll get there after. We lightly "argue" for about 5 seconds and then hang up. Strike two(thousand). Whatever, who cares. I go to pick up Jessica and Vero and show up at the Roxy. SURPRISSSEEEE! Vero had nooooo idea of anything. We pulled it off exactly how we wanted to. We partied for a while and I talked to him a few times, each time getting me even more pissed. It was 9 something and we were ready to go to Andy's. I call him and sir biffle answers. Ohhh man. 
       "Hey Mariana."
       "Hey"
       "Listen, he's driving right now, but he says to say that the car is really crowded and that he cant pick you guys up."
       -Angry voice- "Why can't he tell me himself?"
       "Well, cuz hes driving."
       -Angrier voice- "Thats never stopped him before. Tell him that its ok, he can do whatever he wants, if he wants to come thats fine, if not thats fine too. I'm gonna go to the other party now."
       "Are you mad? Do you want me to slap him for you?"
       "No I'm not mad, dont slap him."
       "Do you want to talk to him?"
       "No just tell him what I said. Bye" -click-

       That was el colmo. Strike 3 (not counting all the other times he pissed me off, all in a matter of about 20 minutes). Like 5 -10 minutes after this "incident" he calls me back apologizing, and me being the idiot that I am, completely melt and forgive him. Whatever, he says that he's gonna meet me at the other party and to call him when I get there. I start heading to the other party with Vero, Jessica, Melissa, and Mo. He calls me and tells me that he's there already and I arrive about 5 minutes later. It was a bit ackward for us, so I grab his hand, go inside, and introduce him to everyone as my boyfriend. They're obviously putting music and I wanna dance, but he's just standing still. I pull him towards me and he hugs me and tells me that he missed me. I was all "aawww" inside, and tell him that that is probably the only nice thing hes ever told me. Then he says "you're beautiful." Whatever, it was and ackwardly cute moment. He's wearing his letterman jacket and I see that he has a lighter. I ask him if he's been smoking and he goes "I dont smoke." I know thats bullshit because I knew he did. Whatever, I just disregarded that. The I feel a box in his pocket and I ask him what it is, the bastard tells me its his wallet. Too bad I wasnt born yesterday and Im smart enough to know that that is not his wallet. Then I try sticking my hand in that pocket to try to pull out the box of cigarettes but he stops me before I can do anything. Some other shit happened that I find too pointless to write here, blah blah blah. At one point I see him just walk outside without telling me anything. I dont think much of it, but I do get a little concerned, considering he had left his jacket on a chair. After about 3 seconds of freaking out a bit, I realize that he went outside to, you guessed it, smoke. That got me on fire. Not only did he not tell me that he was gonna go outside, but the fact that he knows I dont like that he smokes and does it anyways, pretty much right in front of my face, all the while lying to me about it, just fucked him over completely. And wait..it gets better. He called me like a few minutes later and tells me "Hey, I left." At that point I was just like "whatever, I dont care. :| " And then I see him walking in but I pretend not to so I kept dancing like crazy. And then he gets behind me and I'm just like "?" and keep dancing. Then its time to sing happy birthday to the ojomeneado and we go, yadaya and we sing blah blah blah. And we go back to dancing-ish. Hes like "Hey you wanna go for a walk?" Im just like "Well not really. The party's in here, not out there." And hes just like ok w/e. But then he insists again. "Lets go talk outside for a sec." Alright, whatever, we go and he starts with some small talk bullshit. Im just like DOT DOT DOT. Then all of a sudden SURPRISEEE! "You wanna just be friends?" "Yes." Wow, no hesitation there. Interesting huh? Yeah I thought so too. Then he begins to explain himself. "The thing is that at my age I can just get in my car and go, no questions asked. But since you're younger, your parents are more on top of you and you cant go out as much." Im just here thinking "are you kidding me?" Whatever, I cut him off saying "You know what? I think that we jumped into this way to fast." "Well maybe for you." "No, no, for both of us. You dont know me, I dont know you, easy as that. You cant say that you're completely comfortable with me because you know its not true. Ok, with my ex bf, we talked for about 3 days and he asked me out, and like 4 days into that, he was already telling me he loved me. What the hell is that? I promised myself that I would never dive into something so quickly again. And then you came along and I didnt know what to do, so I just went along with everything. We definitely went too fast." Then we just talked a lot of shit and he left. I walked back inside a little shocked, confused, angry, whatever. I had such a mix of emotions that I dont even know all of them. 
       Pretending nothing is wrong, I just go back to my girls and keep dancing like nothing. Then I look around and see Nicky Love, and mouth to him to come dance with me. Immediately, he was on my ass. To tell you the truth, he's not such a bad dancer. Whatever, we danced a few songs and then I told him that we had broken up. It was cute how he was so concerned and asked me how I was, etc. We just like talked for a while and then I kept dancing with the girls. Then some other pelotero was all like "baby come dance with me ;D" And I was like "nuh uh papi, yu come to mee." So of course he came to where I was and we started dancing all dirty and shit. Like, DIRRRRTYYYY, como la cancion de Christina. Wait, it gets better. SURPRISSSEEE! My darling mother showed up right at that moment. Imagine the disgusted look on her face and the comeplete feeling of "what the fuck do I do now?" Oh god I just wanted to climb under a rock and stay there forever. I would have killed to be anywhere but there at that moment, god, would I ever. Man, that must have been the most ackward ride home. After we dropped off everyone, I started sweating bullets. No, bullshit, I was crapping my pants the entire time; pero at the end it got worse. We got to my house and all hell broke loose.

       Dont even ask.

NL Continued..

       Alright so since I wasnt able to finish this last time, Im gonna try to do it now. Too bad I forgot where I left off D: 

       Okay, I went back and checked :P

       So after we had been talking on AIM for a while and he fessed up about his "attraction" towards me, I decided that it was about time that I told him I had a boyfriend. He said he was completely and utterly shocked and was giving me the worst guilt trip in the world. It was to the point that he wanted to sign off but he couldnt because he wanted to stay talking to me. Whatever, point is, he liked me and I felt bad. But little did I know what was going to happen later that night.